It’s 2017, and the government is being run by a toilet. Last month, 150,000 people paid Cards Against Humanity $15 to save America with six days of incredible surprises. Throughout December, we will reveal the surprises here.
Confused? Read the FAQ.
Peter Coyote tells the story of Cards
Against Humanity saving America.
Cards Against Humanity
Stops The Wall
For Day One of Cards Against Humanity Saves America, we purchased a plot of vacant land on the border and retained a law firm specializing in eminent domain to make it as time–consuming and expensive as possible for Trump to build his wall.
We sent everyone an illustrated map of the land, a certificate of our promise to fight the wall, and a statement from our lawyers.
Read More About The WallThe Good News Podcast
For Day Two, we launched The Good News Podcast, a daily reminder that not all news is bad. We also sent you some cards and laptop stickers.
The Good News PodcastCards Against Humanity Redistributes Your Wealth
In order for Cards Against Humanity to truly save America, we realized we would have to tackle the biggest issue in the world: wealth inequality. Today, we took some of your money and redistributed it to people who need it more. We gave 10,000 people a $15 refund and 100 people a check for $1,000. We also threw in a few cards so you wouldn’t complain.
Read People’s Stories HereCards Against Humanity Destroys Homework
Mounting sociological evidence confirms something we’ve always suspected: homework sucks gorilla balls. It stifles creativity and makes kids hate learning.
For Day Four, we sent out cards, thank you notes from children, a policy paper written by the Chicago Children’s Museum, and we’ve partnered with Donor’s Choose to support teachers who are creating alternatives to traditional homework.
Teachers came up with a ton of ideas, like taking field trips to museums, making slime, reading with their families, and playing board games. You can support these projects by donating at DonorsChoose.org right now. We’re matching your donations up to $100,000.
Support A ClassroomCards Against Humanity’s Pulse of the Nation
For Day Five, we used your money to run fourteen months of scientifically–rigorous monthly public opinion polls. We’ll ask the American people about important topics other polls are too afraid to cover. It’s called Cards Against Humanity’s Pulse of the Nation, and we’ll post our findings each month at ThePulseOfTheNation.com. Subscribers got some cards and a zine with the first few poll results.
Gaze into the minds ofthe American people
Cards Against Humanity Saves Baseball
For Day Six of Cards Against Humanity Saves America, we purchased the naming rights to a minor league baseball stadium in Joliet, Illinois. Kindly remove your caps and stand for The Cards Against Humanity Baseball Place, the new home of the Joliet Slammers! Subscribers got a blueprint of the stadium, a pack of baseball cards, and a ticket voucher. America has been saved. I love you.
Come on downFrequently Asked
Questions
This is Cards Against Humanity Saves America, a complicated holiday promotion where 150,000 people paid us $15 to save America.
Injustice, lies, racism, the whole enchilada.
Yes. You blew it.
They’ll come in the mail throughout the month of December.
No. You should be worried about the President.
If you haven’t received your gifts by the end of January, send us an email.
If you can’t live without it, email us and we’ll send you a replacement.
It’s too late. The wheels of destiny are in motion.
There’s no possible way to provide tracking for a million envelopes.
Why don’t you stick to seeing how many Hot Wheels cars you can fit up your asshole?
We’re just being regular correct.